The Place For My Writers Notes

Original posting 1 May 2008

I have a confession to make. While I didn't appreciate Oprah on TV in the United States some time ago, I have started reading the occasional columns from CNN, and find them possibly useful for writers.

If you haven't read one, they usually point to some kind of problem that most of us face sometime, and then lay out several possible variations of the problem and solutions. See, these are proven items of interest to the general public. And some clues about how to handle the issues. So all you have to do is pick one, add characters and scenery, and . . . you've at least got the basis of a story, eh?

For example? Okay, here's one about the lonely season at http://www.oprah.com/spiritself/omag/ss_omag_200502_mbeck.jhtml (interesting, that's not the link that CNN gave me, but when I went to find the thing, I ended up going through the Oprah.com home page at http://www2.oprah.com/index.jhtml and their search - and that's the same article, at least). Aha, if I use the CNN search, I get http://edition.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/04/23/lonely.season/ which is the page I remembered.

Sorry about that diversion into the minutia of finding articles on the web. Back to the main topic.

The problem that this article raises is loneliness. Martha Beck suggests that there are three kinds of loneliness, and provides quick fixes and long-term solutions for each kind.

First is absolute loneliness, a feeling that no one understands us and no one wants to. This kind of isolation hurts. The quick fix is to force interaction. Go out one way or another and meet people. The longer-term solution is to start developing social skills. Try to understand others and help them understand you. Try three steps: show real appreciation or an honest compliment (my gloss: or at least a comment that shows you are looking at them), followed by curiosity -- a question. The third step is optional, sometimes when they are clearly interesting or charming, volunteer some information about yourself. You don't have to start with deep revelations, just keep the conversation going.

There's hardly a teenager alive who hasn't run into this one a few dozen times and bloodied their head on it.

Second is separation loneliness. Changing jobs, changing homes, traveling -- modern life sometimes seems to consist mostly of separations. The quick fix is to use the separation to remind yourself or motivate yourself to reach out to the people you miss. Make that phone call, summarize your day in an e-mail, maybe even use the letter paper or postcard in the hotel room. Ask them what they've been doing, and pay attention to the answer. Long-term: think hard about whether that new job or whatever is causing the separations is really worth it. Decide what you want at your very heart and then go for it.

Running through the storms of middle-age, this kind of loneliness is a neverending windstorm.  (You knew I would get a metaphor in here somewhere, right?)

Third is existential loneliness. Every human sometimes has to face the fact that no one else really can take the risks for us, face our losses, or give us self-esteem. In some ways, we each face life alone. A quick fix is art. Whether it is great art, genre novels, dance contests on TV -- let those people remind you of the inspiration. Long-term: consider your own life as art. You don't have to be a great artist, but think about what conveys your real self, and use your own creativity to reach out to others.

(Please sing a verse of The Impossible Dream . . . one man, scorned and covered with scars, still strove . . . the unreachable star! Hankies, anyone?)

Interesting article -- and if you take a number from one to three, I think any one of these could be the core of the story. A character facing absolute loneliness? You can meet them in so many places, but show one breaking out of that pickup line of dishonesty into real interaction. Sounds like a good story to me. Or how about separation loneliness? How does the traveling salesman manage to keep in touch with that four year old? What about existential loneliness? When the world is just too much -- write?

Go ahead, dig through some of those Oprah articles, and see if they don't suggest some stories.

Did I tell you the one about the ten guys that women should avoid? Good basis for something over in the romance field, maybe? Take a look at http://us.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/02/25/O.bad.men/index.html

(to try when your arms are too weary . . . )