The Place For My Writers Notes

Writer's Digest, August 2004, page 15 has a short note warning about common pairs of words that we often confuse in usage. Specifically:

1. Convince and persuade. "You convince someone of an idea; you persuade someone to act." Changing their minds? That's convincing. Changing what they do? That's persuasion.
2. Ensure and insure. Insurance has to do with money. Ensuring means making sure something happens.
3. Because of or due to. When the question is why something happened, the answer is because of something else. Due to goes with nouns. What's funny is that the answer for both examples given in Writer's Digest is rain. The game was canceled because of rain. And the cancellation was due to rain. Methinks a bit more differentiation of the examples would have been helpful.
4. That and which. My own favorite mistake. Use that for essential clauses. Which, separated by commas, is used for nonessential clauses. Not that I understand it well, but the phrase, which I borrowed for the occasion, came wrapped in punctuation.
5. Anxious and eager. Anxious includes the notion of fear or worry. Eager is just plain excited. When we think we did well on a test, we might be eager to get the results. But when we really don't want to know, we might be anxious to get the results.

These may not be your favorite confusions and wordy contortions. But you might want to keep an eye out for the words that you stumble over. When you find yourself replacing which with that for the umpteenth time, you might as well make it part of your personal editing to do a search and destroy on dangling whiches. Or whatever you find tricksy.

Got it? Take these or other lists of confusing words and phrases, and keep track of where you find yourself stumbling a bit. Then make sure you check those during the polishing of your stories.

Like using fine-grit sandpaper to finish up the woodwork. Get rid of those scratches and splinters before the editors get hung up on them.

Here is Nancy Kress's revised version. What do you think? How did you revise it?

Jane staggered into the bathroom and splashed cold water on her eyes. Last night, Barry had insisted on buying her martinis -- way too many martinis. Appalled, Jane peered into the mirror. Blood-shot eyes, pasty skin -- she looked like a burned-over forest. Maybe she should take something. Aspirin? Valium? Cyanide? Nothing would help this. "Oh, shit."

There you go!

So what happens next with Jane and Barry, anyway?

"Words are the essential nutrients of our stories. And, too often, we get so caught up in our idea, characters, setting, emotions and plot, we lose sight of the basics. Our writing ends up flabby and weak." Nancy Kress, Writer's Digest, July 2004, p. 29

That's how Nancy Kress starts her article about rewriting. In it, she takes a flabby paragraph and turns it into a stronger one. She points out a number of places to work on. Let's take a look at her points, and maybe toss in some thoughts of our own along the way, okay?

Nancy starts with the verbs, which she calls the energy source of sentences. She recommends using strong verbs, and selecting them with care. Beware the adverb or modifying phrase. She also warns against various groups of verbs such as:

1. "there was" constructions
2. Verbizations of nouns for business purposes
3. the progressive past when the simple past will do

Once you've tightened up the verbs, look at the nouns. Nancy calls these the muscles. Specific, concrete, well-suited to the situation and the characters, nouns are the building blocks. Make sure they are solid ones!

Modifiers, the sugar and spice of the writing life. Part of the concern here is simply avoiding overuse. Nancy warns against weak adjectives, unnecessary adjectives, an adjective overload -- dirty, gray, dingy, half melted snow is just plain yucky. She suggests a litmus test for adjectives -- "if you remove it, do you alter the meaning or image?" If not, get rid of it.

Pronouns -- make sure they have some referent, and if possible, just one. And do your best to align the plural and singular in verbs and pronouns and stuff like that?

Conjunctions. Vary your sentences. Beware of falling into a pattern, and repeating it again and again. While extended sentences are nice, variation keeps the reader awake.

Prepositions -- up, too, from, with, for, around and under. Good ways to connect directions and scenery, but be careful to avoid the endless run-on sentence and the dangling modifier.

Interjections are probably something that we were not taught in English class, since they don't belong in formal writing. But damn, they are certainly useful in fiction. Nancy advises us to make sure the interjections match the character -- the small-town minister is unlikely to strew "by the bloody bones" throughout his speech. Avoid stereotypes. And while profanity may be natural for some characters, don't overuse it.

Something to check in your writing. Make sure that the verbs, nouns, and other words are right for the fight, and who knows, maybe the knockout will hit!

What do you think? Do you pay attention to the words in your writing? Do you go back and re-read it, tweaking a word here and a phrase there, rearranging sections and checking just how individual characters talk and walk and twist their mustaches (and those are the women!)?

Make those words ring!
tink

Original posting: Thu, 5 Feb 1998 23:15:46 EST

On Thu, 05 Feb 1998 14:29:47 EST, BARBARA scribed:
:) Is focus the problem? Is inability to organize thoughts the
:) problem? If so, then how come I can do interactives, and gather my
:) thoughts reasonably coherently when I'm doing filler type things?
:) What is really the problem? Has anyone experienced this and found
:) some solutions?

Not sure what it is, but I think I recognize the symptoms...

Here's one of the tricks I use. I print out whatever I've gotten written (which often includes chunks from dictionaries, etc.)

Go away from the computer, sit down and read through it all.

Put the stack away.

Now, from memory, without pushing, write down the keywords, key points (pencil and pen works best for me here...err, make that pencil and paper) Not really an outline, just the main bits I want to stress.

Rearrange. I number them, mark through them, copy them to another sheet in a better order, discard the oddball one that doesn't fit.

(often, sleep on it and see what the backbrain wants to toss up. sometimes there's a great point or a metaphor just waiting for you to NOT pay attention, when it will casually wander out.)

And then, with this little list of points (3-5, seven if I'm pushing my readers), I'll sit down and pull out the pieces of the writing that fit the list. Discard extra. Add transitions and other stuff.

Put it in the oven and bake...no, that's another story. How to Serve Children? (do you prefer rare or well-done, sir?)

That "put the detailed writing away for a while and write down a simple list" step seems to help me focus a lot.

Maybe?

Original posting: Fri, 22 Jan 1993 16:31:55 JST

This is one way to sing the tribal lay [Mr. Kipling, I presume?]

Usually I start with a phrase, often one that has been resounding in the noisy echo chamber of my mind for a while. When I notice these, I write them down.

After a while or at the time, I listen to myself, playing with the phrase. Its internal beat, imagery, and random thoughts bring forth other raw bits. These I put down as they occur to me, often with some variations, until I have a good stack of jackstraws.

Now I start polishing pieces, fitting them together, turning them inside out, backwards, tossing them back on the stack, suddenly pulling a new straw out of thin air. I read them out loud, try out variations, scratch and pound to hear the sound.

At some point, this warm cauldron of super-critical solution usually starts to crystallize, with a lurch and a drone, into blocks. [Be careful, it can just boil over and make a mess of your clothes, but that doesn't happen too often.]

Now comes the final polishing for this stage. I clear away the extra straw, and look closely at the crystal formed in the middle. I read it, testing each word, and each image, looking for weak spots and flaws. Sometimes it's as small a thing as adding a comma, or switching tenses, sometimes I rip out a whole section or toss the whole mess aside, but at this point I'm as critical as I can be with myself. Sometimes the whole mess goes back into the cauldron and gets stirred again.

Next comes a cooling phase, just as in tempering metals. If you have a handy friend or writer's discussion group, you might try the ice water plunge - let them rip it. But you need someone who won't pull punches for this. [Why is it that immediately upon submitting to such scrutiny, tinny spots, gaping holes, and sheer idiotic goofs become vividly evident to your own idle review? Should be a murphy's law about that.]

Lacking that, or preferring a more gentle tempering, set it aside. I find that I need at least two weeks, with a month better, and even longer is best, to let the echoes of the forging fade away. When you've forgotten it, then pick it up again, and read it with the eyes of a stranger. Does it demand your attention? Do the words, the phrases, the images pulse and beat with life as you read them? Does it make you stop and read it slowly, aloud, listening to your own voice bring tears to your eyes? Do you feel as though you should stop strangers in the street and read it to them, just for the joy of seeing their eyes open as the words carry them out of everyday life and into nirvana?

If it does, congratulations. Put a copy in your files and start sending it out. Otherwise, either toss it in the scraps file to try again later, or polish it again in the same glowing heat, then temper again.

What always amazes (and somewhat irritates) me is when someone glances as something that has been through this process and says something about how natural and simple it is. I've almost learned not to jump on them and scream about how much effort went into making it read that way, but it's still hard to realize that this is one of the highest compliments, that you've gone beyond studied artfulness into the craft of Art. Think of bonsai - years of effort to make a tree look "just like the tree growing on the cliff near my house."

Make sure your poetry isn't noticed, just enjoyed. [oh, oh, he's trying for subtleness. Get ready to catch him, he always trips himself when he does this...]

I wish I knew enough about rhythm and blues to help with the technical side of things, but maybe this description will help a little. Guess I'm just a guy who grew up with hard rock and leaves of grass, and knows (sometimes) what he likes, but doesn't know all the right words. One last advice - keep belting 'em out, anyway you can, and someone will hear echoes of themselves resonating in your words.

['zat's about enough of that, boss man. go have a cuppa and let someone else have the drum for a while, ok?]

original posting: Fri, 02 Feb 2001 12:24:00 -0500

Let's take a look at some thoughts from Writing As a Lifelong Skill by Sanford Kaye, ISBN 0-534-22218-8

Up to Now: Your Writing History

"B.  Process and Product.  A second, issue to explore is the emphasis your teachers placed on correctness and on writing as an act of communication."

"The teaching of writing evolves over time and the emphasis shifts from one generation to the next.  Over the last twenty years, the trend has been away from identifying problems toward developing strategies for clear thinking and for communicating with a variety of readers.  There are still some people who think that correct grammar, punctuation, and spelling ensure a good piece of writing.  Other people, without much regard to the conventions of standard English, feel their mistakes are trivial as long as they make themselves reasonably clear to readers.  But either extreme, simple correctness or pure expression, is self-defeating.  A perfect paper that doesn't say anything is as unreadable as a heartfelt paper that is filled with mistakes.  Readers, of course, prefer a balance of clarity and power."

The question, of course, is how important these two are to you.  How important is correctness in grammar, punctuation, and spelling?  How important is clear thinking and communicating with readers?  How do you balance the need for expressive power and the desire for careful adherence to conventions?

original posting: Mon, 9 May 1994 18:35:01 JST


A short outline of points of the book I noted (but read the book - it's worth it!)

1. Show and Tell

• Prefer showing scenes to narrative summaries telling us about things. The scene is setting, character, dialogue, action. Every main event should be a scene!
• Balance - narrative summaries are a kind of rest, a good place for off-stage and minor action.
• Don't tell us about emotions - show them. Wherever possible, cut explanations. Then if it is needed, figure out a way to show it.
• Resist the urge to explain (R.U.E.)

2. Characterization and Exposition

• Don't stop the story to give us a summary of character - let these emerge from action, reaction, and dialogue. I.e., avoid thumbnail character sketches.
• Beware flashbacks, analysis, history - do you really need it?
• Watch for the dialogue or interior monologue that is only there to feed information to the reader - cut it!
• Give your readers the benefit of the doubt - let them interpret the character. Assume your reader is intelligent.
• Let the way the character looks at things or does things introduce us to the character.
• Rule of thumb: give your reader only as much background info, history, or characterization as they need at this point.
• Don't let your characterization and exposition show...

3. Point of View

• 1st, 3rd, omniscient - consider how intimate your reader and viewpoint should be. Then use the one that does the job.
• Establish POV fast.
• Whenever POV changes, check how fast you establish it.
• Make sure - are you using your characters' voices?

4. Dialogue Mechanics

• R.U.E. - make the dialogue show the emotion, don't tell us about it.
• Kill -ly adverbs.
• Prefer "said".
• Start a paragraph with dialogue, then attribute at the first natural break.
• Use beats (little actions).
• Dash for interruption; ellipsis (...) for trailing off.
• Make it natural.

5. See How It Sounds

• Use contractions, fragments, commas instead of periods, short words, and misdirection (let your characters misunderstand, answer the wrong question, talk at cross-purposes, hedge, lie, etc...)
• read it aloud.
• Try reading only one character all together, then another, etc.
• Are the "voices" distinct?
• Use word choice, cadence, grammar - not spelling.

6. Interior Monologue

• very powerful tool of text - make sure it's unobtrusive.
• trim unneeded - explanations and descriptions.
• change "He wondered ..." to "Why did he ...?"

7. Easy Beats

• Beats are the "little actions" between dialogue lines - stage business.
• good - show action, vary rhythm of dialogue.
• bad - overused (as I tend to do) they are distracting.
• balance - trust your reader.
• use fresh beats that characterize and help rhythm. Be especially careful of repeating the same strong characterizing beat again and again.

8. Breaking Up Is Easy To Do

• Prefer short paragraphs, but balance long and short.
• Watch long scenes - break them up!
• Watch for speeches - bust them into pieces.

9. Once Is Usually Enough

• avoid repetition. don't repeat. and, of course, saying something twice may not be a good idea, even if the words are different.
• note that repetition can be words, effects, information, characterization, characters, whole scenes... 1 + 1 = 1/2! Repeated effects lose effect, instead of increasing it.

10. Proportion

• Watch for excess descriptive detail, pet interests out of hand.
• Be careful when cutting - you may destroy proportion and balance.
• Time (words spent) on character, scene, plot element, etc. roughly indicates importance to the reader - don't disappoint them!
• Try marking the interesting parts, then consider the leftovers - are they needed? Do they add? Should they be shorter? Longer?
• Cut or rework...
• Use jump/cut - don't walk someone along every step, just jump the scenes.
• Avoid overblown details, overdone flashbacks, and excess tangents.
• But - the little subplots or descriptions not strictly advancing plot - are they all effective? if you don't have any, do you need some?

11. Sophistication

• avoid "pulling on her coat, she xxxx." and "As she cried, she xxxx." both bury an action in dependent clause.
• avoid cliches and cliched characters. at least, try warping it for effect. e.g. They vanished into thick air.
• every time you find a verb-adverb, try to find the right verb instead.
• comma string sentences, reproducing the urgency of action, pushing the reader ahead.
• Watch "quotes" ,_italics_, and exclamation points!!!
• avoid overly poetic figures of speech in the midst of action.
• sex and profanity have tended to flourish - try light use.

12. Voice

• relax - if it comes, it comes on its own.
• a mechanical aid - read your work, and note each line that "sings" to you. then read just those lines - that's your voice at present!
• now read it all again - and note the winces, the tinny lines.
• read just those, and consider applying:

Original Posting: Sat, 29 Jan 1994 18:35:02 JST

This is both the simplest and the most effective aid to editing that I know.


When you run out of breath, can't figure out which way the sentence went, need to pause, stumble over the words, lose the points in the bramble - you need to fix it.

If you don't do this already, try it. You may like it.

Original posting: Sun, 23 Oct 1994 21:46:02 EDT

1. Write a paragraph. Your choice on characters, action, etc. but make sure something happens in the course of the paragraph (even just having one character get up and cross the room).

[100 words? no, shorter than that.]

2. Break it up. Take at least one part of the action and rewrite it into a "clue" or "foreshadowing" part. Then insert some other material in the middle--a flashback, perhaps another scene from another part of the action, a little description, some other stuff--and finish by rewriting the ending of the first action.

[go back in and slice it up, then put some stuffing in...]

3. Keep stretching that original action. You can add some blocks and difficulties, you can add more "filling," you can turn that original paragraph into a thin framework binding all the parts of a whole novel into chunks interrupting your character slowly walking across the room...

[and then get the pump out, put a funnel in and grind sausage into the casing to fill the little monster out, get on top and stomp more into the edges...]

Don't let the reader down. Slow down the action...unless it needs to be fast and heavy.

and sell a few more words, too!