TECH: Some Style Problems

[mbarker.livejournal.com]

original posting: Fri, 9 Sep 1994 18:35:01 JST

1. Lacking sensory detail

Make sure your characters see, hear, touch, taste, and smell the world around them. Kinesthetic (body/muscle) and other feelings are important cues, too. Don't overdo it, but when your character would ordinarily notice something, make the reader see and feel that detail.

2. Irrelevant emphasis

This is the flipside of the previous problem. Unimportant or unlikely things are described in detail, whether they fit the story or not. When a hungry, tired hero still manages to notice and describe every tiny detail of the department store he is running through, something is wrong...

3. Frustrating omissions

One of my favorite mistakes--in the push to get to the next part, skimming over important or key elements needed to let the reader understand what is happening. Probably easier to correct during revision--make sure the details are there, and show the reader, don't tell them...

4. Weak, over-used words

A partial list: very, but, then, seem, felt, suddenly, rather, almost, nearly, slightly, certain, quite, was, -ing and -ly words.

5. POV shifts

Unless you have a good reason to jerk the reader from head to head or place to place, don't do it. Again, something to check during revision--are you staying with the established point-of-view?

6. Mechanics

1. Is any passage awkwardly worded?
2. Are there unnecessary or redundant words or phrases?
3. Are there cliches?
4. Are the verbs vivid? Adjectives evocative?
5. Are the sentences too long? Too short? Too similar? Does the rhythm of the sentences match the action?
6. Is there too much exposition? Narrative summary?
7. Is there sufficient unintended grammatical errors to pull the reader's attention away from the story? (excuse me...:-)
8. Is there a story underneath the literary and stylistic facade?

Basic point--watch the mechanics, double-check them, and where they need patching, do the revision. It isn't exciting, but the best comment a reader can make about the mechanics is "I didn't even notice it," so make it smooth.

and keep writing!