TECH: Intruder Alert (Revised)

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Original posting 24 April 2009

Viewpoint Intruders (Revisions)

Writer's Digest, April 2006, pages 48 and 73, have an article by Kristen Johnson Ingram with the title, "The Intruder." Some other examples for rewriting include:

Original version:

"The others were laughing and talking as they sat down at the table. As Kirk reached across the table for the bread, he noticed his hands. His fingers were long and brown, and he noticed how the light gleamed on his wedding ring."

Revised version:

"Kirk reached across the table for the bread. His fingers were long and brown, and light gleamed on his wedding ring."

Original version:

"I looked over at Ginny propped up on the hospital bed. I could see her bright smile, but I knew she was in pain."

Revised version:

"Ginny was propped up in the bed. She was smiling, but I knew she was in pain."

Or "Ginny was propped up in the bed, smiling in spite of her pain."

Original version:

"Rob opened the door. He could smell fried chicken and onions, and he heard the butter crackling in the skillet. His mouth watered from hunger."

Revised version:

"Rob opened the door. The aroma of fried chicken crackling in the skillet with onion slices made his mouth water."

Original version:

"I remember that when I was five, I used to hide from my father in the linen closet. I crawled under an old lavender quilt on the floor, and I could hear his angry footsteps."

Revised version:

"When I was five, I used to hide under an old lavender quilt in the linen closet, listening to my father's angry footsteps."

Original version:

"As I stopped in front of the old house, my mind reeled back to how hard it rained the day Jim shot me."

Revised version:

"I stopped in front of the old house. Rain had fallen in torrents on the day Jim shot me."

Original version:

"I took a break at a retreat in northern Idaho. I walked outside and sat on a log, where I watched a fat honeybee roving around a big blue pasque flower. I could see her tasting its petals, and I heard her buzzing around the opening. As I watched, she drew back and literally hurled herself at the flower's center."

Revised version:

"During an afternoon break at a retreat in northern Idaho, I sat on a law and watched a fat honeybee roving around a big blue pasque flower. She tasted its petals, snuffled at the opening, and then drew back and hurled herself at the flower's center."

What you think? Are the revised versions better than the originals?

TECH: Starting a Series

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Original posting 27 April 2009

Writer's Digest, September 2005, pages 51 and 52, have an article by April Henry
with the title, "A Series of Details." The point of the article is that especially for mystery writers, a first book often spawns a series, or at least a sequel. And mystery writers who have done this have some suggestions about things to think about when writing your first book so that the series isn't so hard to do. Building in the potential for a series, instead of stumbling and causing yourself problems. Okay? Here are the suggestions.

1. Pick a strong main character. Some authors prefer a character with a similar background, or at least one that they know a lot about. It makes the research easier. Others create a character from scratch, with the setting and occupation designed to make it easy to bring in characters and events. Other authors plan on a series, with protagonists who move around and are really the only thread holding the series together.
2. A job. The main character's occupation -- how do they make a living -- is something that's important for life and for your series. Sometimes they simply inherit enough money. Other times the job pushes them into encounters. Reporters, policeman, taxicab driver -- they are guaranteed to be poking into things. Sometimes the job is simply distinctive -- an industry or field that is interesting because most of us don't know much about it. Flower arranging, dog training, whatever you'd like to explore. Sometimes there is a bit of difficulty bringing in the mystery genre corpses, but it's generally possible. Or, your character may change jobs.
3. Series regulars. Coworkers, cronies, relatives -- they suggest balancing kooky and conflict with some support and warmth. Be careful about details of the characters' lives -- you may want to keep the character file, with eye color, height, relatives, and all that stuff to help you keep the continuity. Love life? And you may want to have a loyal sidekick who's really good at research, or has other redeeming qualities (remember Kato -- from the Pink Panther movies?).
4. Time and place. Is your series set in real time, in a real place? Are the characters aging normally?

An interesting piece of advice is to leave openings for series potential. You don't need to nail down every detail in the first book. Leave some open ends and threads -- it will let you add things later, and it's more interesting for the readers, too.

Exercise? Take a look at a work in progress, and consider how you would answer the editor who says, "I loved it. Can you make a trilogy out of it?"

Write?