EXERCISE: feelings

[mbarker.livejournal.com]

original posting: Wed, 16 Aug 2000 06:44:24 -0400

based on Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, ISBN 0-14-02.8852X

(very loosely -- mostly, I borrowed their list of emotions and the notion of layered emotions.  Don't blame them for where I took the notion, though :)

p, 94 talks about the way that we often miss the bundle of feelings (or the spectrum of emotions) hiding behind simple labels or a strong emotion that overshadows the rest.  So, let's give our character two emotions (pick two numbers in the range from 1 to 11, okay?):

1.  Love -- affectionate, caring, close, proud, passionate
2.  Anger -- frustrated, exasperated, enraged, indignant
3.  Hurt -- let down, betrayed, disappointed, needy
4.  Shame -- embarrassed, guilty, regretful, humiliated, self-loathing
5.  Fear -- anxious, terrified, worried, obsessed, suspicious
6.  Self-doubt -- inadequate, unworthy, inept, unmotivated
7.  Joy -- happy, enthusiastic, full, elated, content
8.  Sadness -- bereft, wistful, joyless, depressed
9.  Jealousy -- envious, selfish, covetous, anguished, yearning
10.  Gratitude -- appreciative, thankful, relieved, admiring
11.  Loneliness -- desolate, abandoned, empty, longing

Pick one of these terms (either the main one or another, your choice).

Let's see.  You have the two written down in front of you?  Please make sure you've numbered them (1 and 2, very simple).

Do you have a coin?  Yep, flip it.  Heads for 1, tails for 2.

[what do you mean, your coin doesn't have heads and tails?  Oh, pimento trees?  Leaping frogs?  Well, pick a side and call it 1, call the other 2, and flip, flip, flip!  Or just pick one of the two emotions, poor favor, okay?]

The one you've selected is the one the character starts out knowing about, while the other is simmering and bubbling away just under the surface.  May (or may not!) be visible to others, but the character really isn't aware of it.

Toward who?  Well, that's for you to come up with.  Sister, brother, parent, child, boss, employee, spouse or spice or some other person, probably in a situation that makes things a bit tense.  Pick your scenario, okay?

Oh!  Just for fun, take a few minutes and think about ways that each of these feelings might come out in judgments ("If you were a good friend, you'd do this for me."), attributions ("Why are you trying to hurt me?"), characterizations ("You are just totally inconsiderate."), and solutions ("Obviously, the answer is for you to call me more often.").  These are some ways we often think we are expressing emotions, while actually carefully making sure that the person we are addressing isn't given a clear indication of our feelings, and (as a bonus) will almost certainly respond to the judgment, attribution, blame, and direction in a negative way.  So let the character use these diversions.

And the scene?

You put it together.  Essentially, we want to start with the character happily dwelling on the dominant emotion, expressing themselves... probably add a bit of conflict, a few uppings of the ante, and then... something helps the character realize that there is this other emotion lurking and gurgling underneath, and they need to reassess themselves.  Give us a little of that change, that shift in the sense of persona as the character realizes that not only are they angry, but afraid too (or whatever the pairing is).

Go ahead and write.