The Place For My Writers Notes

Original posting: Sat, 17 Sep 1994 18:35:03 JST

I thought someone asked about using the term "old" to describe a character, but having reached the point where I want to respond, I can't find the message.

Oh, well. I think the question was whether or not there was a problem with using this term. (I'll refer to "old man" in the following, but the same kind of problems do occur for old women, too...please adjust to suit your gender biases, okay?)

Offhand (which means I'm making this up as I go along, so bear with me--no points for explaining how confused I am!) it seems as if there are several problems with such terms. First, since age is relative, an "old man" to a college student might be anyone over 30. More mature readers might peg the same "old man" as someone farther advanced in years. If the relative age of the person is significant to the story, it may very well be better to pin it down more precisely, and perhaps add a bit more characterization at the same time.

e.g. "She could see he was old, since he was studying the calculus book for a college sophomore. She held her breath as she spilled her milk on the table so she would have a reason to talk to him." or "He had been old for the last 20 years, ever since the draft board sent him to Vietnam." or maybe "He remembered the Great Depression in the 1930's because his father had jumped into Time Square from a skyscraper, and a twelve-year old boy had suddenly become the family breadwinner at a time when no one had bread. The television news about 'hard times' made him snort." or something--I know you can do better!

Second, such generic terms sometimes are just fillers, and may be surprising when something clears up the misconceptions they suggest. E.g., if I read that so-and-so is old, I think of someone over retirement age (at least--that's about 20 years ahead of me!) When I suddenly realize that the narrator is a high school girl looking at the "over-the-hill" college youths...I have a momentary queasiness as I readjust. It's not nice to fool your reader!

Third, old relative to who? As a writer, you want to draw your reader in to "passive participation" in the POV--the narrator (at least) is me! And since you want your readers to be drawn from every age group, "old" isn't terribly helpful. I (teenie-bopper reader) see this "old" crone mentioned, and know it's really someone about 25! I (retiree enjoying the sunshine in Acapulco) see the "old" person mentioned, and know it's someone in their 90's on full life-support in a hospital, not someone my age!

What characteristics are really important to the story, to the people, to what you are trying to do? Admittedly, age often is significant, but not always. If the age of the person doesn't do anything except identify them, it may be time to think about just what they are doing in the story, and what really identifies them.

The word "old" in itself isn't a problem for me. The notion that this might be the complete description is--does age (especially such a relatively vague indication!) really provide a good, sharp, memorable characterization which does what is needed in the story? Or are there a few more specific bits and pieces you can use to really make the "old man" stand out? Tell me about the sharp smell of the hospital soap he showers with every morning, or the way he peers at the headlines--and mistakes even that large print. Perhaps describe the quivering, slow descent into a chair, with a whoosh of breath released when he has safely avoided the dangers of this complex maneuver.

Or perhaps you didn't really mean an "old" man--just someone in the prime of their life? Hair receding, stomach slowly protruding, once-stylish clothes on their second or third approach to being current...

Hope this helps. Generally, relative adjectives such as "old" seem deceptive to me--they don't provide a very firm description if it is needed, and they are irritatingly likely to be mistaken if they aren't needed.

Try specifics instead. Resist the urge to explain what the specifics mean--just let your characters tell us about what they've seen and heard and felt, I'll figure out just how old or young they are relative to me, the reader...

[we'll pass lightly over the question of what family of oxymoronic delights the commandment "try specifics" belongs in--the paradoxes of high level abstractions are so much fun...]

ye witchdoctor--here, have a sip from the fountain that Poncie was looking for. Now, how old do I look? Really, you can tell me...

probably muddied the waters completely, huh?

(WHAT? I'm not that old!)
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