The Place For My Writers Notes

Original posting 1 June 2008

Make a Scene by Jordan Rosenfeld

You probably remember that we are walking through this book, and we've just talked about the setting for the scene (a.k.a. Chapter 5). Coming right behind that, we have Chapter 6 talking about senses. Sensual details -- probably the key tools for bringing your written world alive for the readers. And as Rosenfeld points out, that's not just sight and sound. Smells, tastes, and all of the wonderful feelings.

So the first thing to pay attention to is authenticity of detail. Things need to be realistic and believable. Blackberry pie doesn't smell like meat, and the senses need to be integrated and blended into the scene and setting. Don't just add them as gilding around the edges, make them seamless backdrops to the scene, characters, action.

Sight is probably our most important sense. It's also tricky because writers rarely draw pictures to go with the writing, and yet you want your readers to come away with the impression that they have seen what was going on. You need to provide mental images of the characters, the world they are in, their actions, and all of the other surroundings. You need to have a good visual idea to provide appropriate cues. You're going to run your camera (the point of view character looking around) over the world. Beware of what Rosenfeld calls double vision -- Jimmy saw something. We already know that Jimmy is looking around. Just tell us what he sees, don't make a big fuss about him seeing things.

Interestingly, Rosenfeld suggests that touch be the second sense that you try to work in. We all poke and prod and touch from our very first days as a baby. So put a little bit of practical touch into your story, but don't overdo it. Fidgeting and fumbling in the middle of dialogue is very common. Personal touches -- what a person is willing to touch and who -- also tells us a lot about the character.

Then there are smells. Smells are sometimes extremely evocative (note that doesn't mean they start fights -- it means they make us remember things and feel things). Memories and emotions get cued off of those little nasal neurons, so use them to dramatic effect. There are good smells and of course stinks -- er, Rosenfeld calls them bad smells. Choosing to associate certain characters or situations with certain kinds of smells can fairly quickly get across a judgment to the readers. The key here is to think about smells and use them in your writing.

Sounds. So often mysteries use sounds or the lack of sounds to help with setting, plot, and character. Wherever we go, sounds are a big part of the setting and the action. So make sure that your scene has the right acoustic background. "Sounds enhance mood, set tone, and create atmosphere, and should not be forgotten when setting the scene."

And last but not least in Rosenfeld's list is taste. Eating and various other times, we taste things. It may not be something that you want to put in every scene, but where it fits, let your characters taste.

[Interesting. I tend to think of the physical sense of motion as one more in this list. It's not just touch, it's the whole muscular balance physical feeling of doing things. Flying by the seat of your pants, putting your foot to the floor, and various other strains and struggles. Don't forget them!]

Rosenfeld points out that a lot of this comes naturally and in natural combinations. That pie that the character is looking at involves sight, smell, probably taste if they can manage to sneak a piece out, perhaps all the fun of cutting the pie and trying to lift out the first piece -- and the sound of the cook yelling as they find out that some one got into dessert before dinner! But when you go back to revise your scenes, make sure that you think about the various senses and consider the balance. Lots of talking heads? Get their hands in the mud along the streamside, and have them trying to catch frogs in the evening twilight. Or whatever, but put those senses to work.

And an assignment? Okay, pick up your favorite story and pick out a scene that you really think works well. Now go through it looking for each of the senses. How did the writer use the senses to set the scene, bring out the characters, make the plot move, and so forth? Did they skip one of the senses? Consider why, and how that sense might be worked into the scene. Suppose one of the characters has lost their glasses, has a cold, or otherwise is somewhat impaired today in sensations. How does this change the scene? How do you make the reader feel that stuffed-up separation from the world?

So -- a scene? Setting and senses, the background and the perception of the world. And next -- people! Character development and motivation.

When we write, we set dreams free.