TECH: Where in the timeline is my beginning?

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Original posting 21 April 2009

Writer's Digest, May 2006, pages 20 to 21, in the Fiction Essentials column, has an article by Nancy Kress with the title "When Do I Start?" Nancy points out that there are basically five choices of when to begin your story:

1. The initiating event. "The simplest way to begin is with whatever action will launch the rest of the plot." It needs to be a strong action that provokes reactions, setting all of the events in motion. If you're going to do this, think about these three points:

• pick an action that sets off all of the conflicts to come
• jump right into the event, saving the background for later
• make sure the protagonist reacts strongly and believably, and then let other characters react to him

2. The limited dramatic scene. We're all familiar with the little five minute scenes that movies and TV shows often use at the very beginning. Those are limited dramatic scenes, that foreshadow the major events. It's like an orchestral prelude, that often contains hints of the music to come. This may or may not involve the main characters for the story. Decide whether such a limited scene makes your readers curious, or just forces them to start twice? If you want to do this, consider:

• pick a scene that is a microcosm of the coming conflict
• pick a scene that's exciting
• pick a scene that raises questions so that readers keep reading

3. The distant past. Sometimes, stories start with an event from long ago. These are often events that set up the story, but not directly. This might be in a prologue, to help set it apart from the main story. The main advantage here is that the reader now knows something that the characters may not know -- the deep dark secret that will be revealed later. But, the scene needs to be directly relevant and interesting enough for your readers to put up with two beginnings.

4. The distant future. Sometimes stories start with a scene after all the action, making the story a flashback. This may reduce the curiosity or tension of the story -- we know the protagonist will live, because as an old woman they are telling us the story. But, it does give the writer two viewpoints to play with -- the younger character who doesn't know what is going to happen and the older character who knows how it all turned out. It's complicated having this kind of a frame on the story, so make sure that the loss of tension is compensated for by the richness of the insights and voice and that there are some surprises.

5. In medias res. [I almost always misspell this, in media res, but the correct spelling is medias] this is simply an action-filled scene well into the story. Then with the readers already curious, some flashback and fill-in can be used to bring us up-to-date and then go on from there. The advantage is that an exciting scene hooks the reader. The disadvantage can be that backing and filling, which can make it confusing. Some suggestions about how to make it work for you:

• start with a scene that becomes more significant as the reader learns about the characters, so that when they find it again, it's almost like a different scene
• make the opening scene dramatic enough to remember
• use the contrast between the action-filled first scene and what usually a slightly slower thoughtful pace in the backfilling part.

Nancy points out that most stories can use any of these openings. It's up to you as a writer to decide what you want the reader to feel, and then try out different beginnings until you get a really powerful one for your work.

Five patterns: linear, a little prelude and then the main part, past history and then the main story, they-lived-happily-ever-after framing their dramatic memories, start-in-the-middle and then fill-in the background before continuing. And our job is to figure out which one we want to do.

The exercise? Probably take a look at your work in progress and see which of these you have used. Odds are it's either linear or in medias res. Now consider one of the other openings. How would that work for you? Does it add strength to your story? You might even want to try doing a rough draft version of it to see just what it would look like.

Where's your beginning?

TECH: Intruder Alert

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Original posting 22 April 2009

Viewpoint Intruders

Writer's Digest, April 2006, pages 48 and 73, have an article by Kristen Johnson Ingram with the title, "The Intruder." The problem here is that we often remind the reader of the point-of-view character -- breaking the reader's flow. Whenever a character sees something, notices something, steps back and reminds the reader that they are observing -- that's a viewpoint intrusion. And it reminds the reader that someone is writing, and that this is an artificial construct. Not good.

Let's start with an example from the article:

"Sally sits at a table in the restaurant, hoping her boyfriend, Jeremy, won't be late again. She notices the waiter looks tired. She turns to see a pair of Japanese men talking quietly in a booth near the corner. She watches as a baby in a high chair flings a spoonful of rice onto the carpet and sees the waiter sigh."

Sally keeps getting in between the reader and what's going on. So how do you avoid viewpoint intrusions?

First, watch for "notice." Or noticed, the past tense. In first or third person, don't notice things -- they just are. Don't look at something, see it. Remove that layer of perception. So instead of, "I looked over at Ginny propped up on the bed." Try, "Ginny was propped up on the bed."

Second, sensory impressions are great, but imply the viewpoint character instead of telling us about him. "He could smell fried chicken" can turn into "The aroma of fried chicken..."

Third, watch out for flashbacks. Adverbial phrases, I remember, and other reminders that the viewpoint character is experiencing or remembering things can be rewritten.

Fourth, keep your eye out for them. First person writing all too often includes plenty of viewpoint intrusions. Certainly, when I write in first person, I experience things. But I don't have to keep telling myself that I'm doing it. Once you start watching something, let it do things on its own. You don't have to keep looking at it.

Okay? It's kind of a subtle point. It's balancing the viewpoint character with showing and experiencing things directly. Let the reader see/hear/feel without reminding them that there's a camera in the middle.

Exercise? Take that work in progress and look closely at a scene. Do you have viewpoint intrusions? Can you reduce them? This is revision work.

You might also try revising that first example. Go ahead. How would you apply the lessons here?

Here's how Kristen rewrote that first example:

"Sally sits at a table in the restaurant, hoping her boyfriend, Jeremy, won't be late again. The waiter looks tired. A pair of Japanese men talk quietly in a booth near the corner. A baby in a high chair flings a spoonful of rice onto the carpet, and the waiter sighs."

Some other examples for rewriting include:

"The others were laughing and talking as they sat down at the table. As Kirk reached across the table for the bread, he noticed his hands. His fingers were long and brown, and he noticed how the light gleamed on his wedding ring."

"I looked over at Ginny propped up on the hospital bed. I could see her bright smile, but I knew she was in pain."

"Rob opened the door. He could smell fried chicken and onions, and he heard the butter crackling in the skillet. His mouth watered from hunger."

"I remember that when I was five, I used to hide from my father in the linen closet. I crawled under an old lavender quilt on the floor, and I could hear his angry footsteps."

"As I stopped in front of the old house, my mind reeled back to how hard it rained the day Jim shot me."

"I took a break at a retreat in northern Idaho. I walked outside and sat on a log, where I watched a fat honeybee roving around a big blue pasque flower. I could see her tasting its petals, and I heard her buzzing around the opening. As I watched, she drew back and literally hurled herself at the flower's center."

Feel free to rewrite those. (Fair warning -- I'll post the suggested rewrites later)
Or rewrite some of your own work?