TECH: Some Style Problems

[mbarker.livejournal.com]

original posting: Fri, 9 Sep 1994 18:35:01 JST

1. Lacking sensory detail

Make sure your characters see, hear, touch, taste, and smell the world around them. Kinesthetic (body/muscle) and other feelings are important cues, too. Don't overdo it, but when your character would ordinarily notice something, make the reader see and feel that detail.

2. Irrelevant emphasis

This is the flipside of the previous problem. Unimportant or unlikely things are described in detail, whether they fit the story or not. When a hungry, tired hero still manages to notice and describe every tiny detail of the department store he is running through, something is wrong...

3. Frustrating omissions

One of my favorite mistakes--in the push to get to the next part, skimming over important or key elements needed to let the reader understand what is happening. Probably easier to correct during revision--make sure the details are there, and show the reader, don't tell them...

4. Weak, over-used words

A partial list: very, but, then, seem, felt, suddenly, rather, almost, nearly, slightly, certain, quite, was, -ing and -ly words.

5. POV shifts

Unless you have a good reason to jerk the reader from head to head or place to place, don't do it. Again, something to check during revision--are you staying with the established point-of-view?

6. Mechanics

1. Is any passage awkwardly worded?
2. Are there unnecessary or redundant words or phrases?
3. Are there cliches?
4. Are the verbs vivid? Adjectives evocative?
5. Are the sentences too long? Too short? Too similar? Does the rhythm of the sentences match the action?
6. Is there too much exposition? Narrative summary?
7. Is there sufficient unintended grammatical errors to pull the reader's attention away from the story? (excuse me...:-)
8. Is there a story underneath the literary and stylistic facade?

Basic point--watch the mechanics, double-check them, and where they need patching, do the revision. It isn't exciting, but the best comment a reader can make about the mechanics is "I didn't even notice it," so make it smooth.

and keep writing!

TECH: Help with writing mystery

[mbarker.livejournal.com]

Original Posting: Thu, 19 Jan 1995 21:59:27 EST

Hi, Walter. Walter wrote

Could anyone out there provide a "formula" or some simple advice on writing a mystery short story?

My seventh grade daughter has an English assignment to do so.

[sigh.

once upon a dark and stormy screen, a man in a mac whispered in my ear.

he was shut down while talking.

somehow I knew that what he was whispering wasn't your ordinary writers' gossip, and that made all the difference when I set out on the Case of the Missing Mystery...

if you are really in a hurry, go to the end and work backward...]

Ronald B. Tobias, in "20 Master Plots (And How to Build Them)" has a section on the riddle. There also are several handbooks put out by the Mystery Writers of America.

The riddle has metamorphed into the mystery. But, you ask, what's a mystery?

"...It is a challenge to the reader to solve the problem.

"Your mystery should have at its heart a paradox that begs a solution. The plot itself is physical, because it focuses on events (who, what, where, when and why) that must be evaluated and interpreted (the same as the riddle must be interpreted). Things are not what they seem on the surface. Clues lie within the words. The answer is not obvious (which wouldn't satisfy), but the answer _is_ there. And in the best tradition of the mystery, the answer is in plain view." (p. 113, Tobias)

A formula? How about this approach?

1. Pick four characters.
2. Pick one who has something bad done to them (classically, being killed...but really anything evil, like having the door of your school locker crazy glued shut.)
3. For each of the other three, make a list of clues why they might be the one... and why they might not be the one! Try to make the clues ambigious.
4. Now, decide who is going to try to figure out the mystery. You can have a detective, a school teacher, or whoever. Let them question people, search, sort through--finding all the clues along the way...and perhaps call a conference, where they start to accuse one, then turn that into a revelation of who the real criminal is...You? You crazy glued your own locker shut, just because you didn't do your homework for this English assignment and didn't like what that crazy writing group suggested?

Framework:

Part one --general puzzle (persons, places, events)
Part two --specifics (how they relate to each other in detail)
Part three --solution (motives and the real sequence of events)

Notice that part one and two involve presenting a set of events which seem to have happened, not the real sequence. E.g., perhaps during a scene when someone hears a car backfire, the fatal shot is fired.

[sigh. looking at all the words, I knew the man in the mac wouldn't be happy. so I decided to try again...]

Perhaps we should take a crack at mystery again. The basic question that the writer of a mystery needs to make the reader ask is "who done it?". Sometimes mysteries are built around why or how someone did it, but mostly they start with the question of who did it.

Something as simple as...

I yanked at the door to my locker.
I screamed as two fingernails bent backwards.
Then I kicked the locker.
The gleaming line around the edges showed me that someone didn't want me getting into that locker.
I had a pretty good idea who it might be. Well, at least I thought I did.

and we're off and running. do I (the character) know who it is? NO! when I grab them in the cafeteria (library, gym room...) they will have a good reason why it wasn't them. also some hints as to who else it might be.

write a visit with each of them.

then ask them all to meet you in the library where you reveal that Josey is wearing perfume to hide the smell of crazy glue.

or whatever clues you've decided on.

[not yet, not yet. I thought about that poor little mac, and I knew I was going to give it one more try...]

Okay. Start with a riddle. (see your local library or bookstore for a collection and pick one).

E.g. What runs around all day and lies under the bed all night?

Shoes.

(I never promised you a good riddle...)

basic story...

you overhear two other people talking about parts of this riddle while eating (or doing something else). not the solution, just parts of the question.

I took a bite of the hamburger and chewed.
Phil was talking to Anne near me.
"So, they run around all day?"
I swallowed. Then I swished my drink around, trying to cut the ketchup overload.
"And then they just lie under the bed all night?"
I set the hamburger down, picked up the tray, and dumped it.
On the way to my next class, I wondered who Phil was talking about.
Lying _under_ the bed?

and so on... half the fun here is building up the interest as the narrator slowly grows more and more puzzled. But, well, not quite ready to admit to eavesdropping, yet...

Finally (not too long), let the narrator beg Phil for the answer. And groan, blush, end of story when Phil provides it.

[hey! I like that one! fairly simple, straightforward, yet individually unique in the resulting stories...

the man in the mac pushed me into the trashcan, and the disk ejected...
but I knew he was happy, because we had found the missing mystery. It was here all the time!]

hope this helps someone...