TECH: Do you know your bad dialogue?

[mbarker.livejournal.com]

Original posting 11 May 2009

Writer's Digest, October 2006, pages 95 to 96 have an article by Gloria Kempton suggesting that we can start drafting better dialogue by learning how to recognize bad dialogue. The article lists seven common mistakes, along with a sidebar suggesting some ways to create tension in dialogue. Let's start with the seven mistakes:

1. John-Marsha syndrome. Just to make sure we know who's talking, we start including the characters' names in every line of dialogue. Certainly addressing someone by name gives a certain nuance to the speech, but we don't normally continue doing it in every scrap of dialogue. If you're looking for intensity, consider describing facial expressions or adding some actions.
2. Adjective and adverb addiction. "Said" is the basic invisible verb for dialogue. Other verbs, along with various adverbs, draw attention to the writing. Action sentences or internal reflection are possible alternatives. Dialogue tags can replace adverbial modification.
3. Disconnected dialogue. Certainly people who talk past each other, but whenever characters answer questions out of order or ask questions out of the blue, readers can get confused.
4. As-you-know-Bob rambling. Writers often try to sneak information to the reader in dialogue. Dialogue can be an effective way to reveal background information, and it's certainly more interesting than simple infodumping. But it has to be something that the character would say. Not just words and information that the writer wants to put in their mouth, but something that they would naturally think of and say.
5. Ho-Hum moments. Just because the characters are talking doesn't mean it's interesting. There needs to be information, tension, suspense -- every line of dialogue should move the story or the scene forward. If it's boring, skip it. Characterization does not justify babbling. Use dialogue to develop plot and theme.
6. Perfect grammar. Pay attention to how people really talk. Most people don't talk in complete sentences with perfect grammar. Especially when they're excited or upset or whatever. Make your dialogue authentic first.
7. Redundancy. When the dialogue repeats description or narration around it, it isn't deja vu, it's just redundant. This often happens because we started to write it as narration and then switched to dialogue, or vice versa. Check to see if you're repeating yourself.

So there you go. Overdoing names in dialogue, the dreaded Tom Swifties, dialogue that doesn't make sense, tour guide or narrator dialogue, all the blah that we don't need, perfection, and repeating yourself. Seven bad habits to check in your dialogue.

A good exercise is to grab a chunk of dialogue from the nearest slush pile or work in progress and take a look. Do you see some of these? Can you fix them?

And then there's that sidebar about creating tension with dialogue. Dialogue is the voices of the characters, right? So how do you increase the tension in the interactions of dialogue?

1. Silence. View point characters can drop out of the conversation and think about what they're saying and feeling. Are they hiding things? Go ahead and let other characters continue with action or dialogue. Incidentally, when another character suddenly goes silent in the middle of the exchange, it's not unusual to wonder just what's going on over there.
2. Pacing. Especially changing the pace of the dialogue. When speech slows down or speeds up, tension rises. Make sure there's a good reason for the shift in pace.
3. Suspense. Whenever dialogue plants thoughts or ideas in the reader's mind about future events or situations, you get suspense. And suspense raises the tension, which is good.
4. Dialogue in scene endings. A line of dialogue at the end of the scene can create tension that makes readers turn pages. It just needs to be open-ended, raising questions that the reader wants answered. Remember that the end of a scene or a chapter is not a place to tie things up -- unless you consider cliffhangers as tying things up?

Think about how you use dialogue, and how your dialogue can create tension. Your characters will thank you.